Message for my darling :
Darling, we all missed you badly. You are a strong girl alright? We can't accompany you to walk through your afterlife anymore. You need to be a brave girl and walk yourself okie? Just bear in mind that we all love you so much and your are such a dear to us forever. Darling, i know you are so much dependent on us, but to tell you the truth, we can't live without your presence. I feel like I'm crazy talking to the air, hoping that you'll hear me, hear the words that are only meant for you. I feel like I'm childish, to cry everyday in the morning, afternoon, and before i sleep. But darling, do you know that i can even tear for the actions that you made me angry at times. I even imagined that you're right beside me, looking at me like how you did always. And feel that yesterday was just a nightmare that never happened before. Darling, this is the first time i felt life was just like that, nothing big deal. Perhaps my life moved on in your world, not mine anymore. I just want a glimpse of you, a hug from you, to tell me you are fine and you will take care of yourself. Please darling i beg you.
I'm sorry that i made you suffer even the last second of your life. Thats not what i wanted. I convinced myself that you had the choice to live, and not end it by putting you to sleep. So convincing that I forgot you were suffering at the little cubicle. My heart hurts to see you breathless inside the little cubicle. I'm sorry to prolong your pain. I should have just let you go. Or perhaps let you leave comfortably in somewhere you're familiar with, home.
I thought you could run around your new home, like always, when we moved to a new location. You loved moving house, because you just need to move your ass to the new place. Though your favourite house is always the one at Jalan Teliti, whereby you can escape from the house gate and run across the road to the pet shop. The place where you can run your 400m relay all by yourself. Thinking about it put a smile on my face.
Lastly, I wanna thank you for being the best companion for the last 14.5 years. You've been a good and brave girl. Our dearest darling always. Please go, find your way to Buddha. He'll lead you from there. We all love you in the past, now, and always. So please do us proud and be a smart girl in your next life. Love you always always.
Your 2nd mommy,
Iris Lee
Episodes of Pearly Lee
Young girl
Adulthood
Sick girl with pampers
Her last photo taken
